A weary yet faithful heart

Well our little snow people melted away over Christmas and my heart has become a little wearier. 

It's been a big year with a lot of effort and we are quite exhausted from it all so I think we've well earned a break (as has our bank account!).  Time to just be us for a while, not 'us doing IVF'.

Maybe the Christmas miracle is that I had a lovely day with family, ate huge amounts of food (i.e.chocolate) and drank expensive french champagne (I highly recommend the real stuff - it's amazing).

Maybe the Christmas miracle is that we are both healthy and well and best of friends.

Maybe the Christmas miracle is that we still have faith that we will get there in the end...

Image source: JCSpock on Etsy

Gingerbread people!

I just have to show you the gingerbread people I made today (I made other shapes too like hearts, a donut and a guitar for my brother).

I can't say I was the neatest artist ever with the icing and some of them have quite scary expressions...but I had a lot of fun.  The recipe I used was from taste.com.au

The self gee up that worked

I was in danger of falling into a 'blue funk' earlier this week (which is ok to do every now and then by the way regardless of your reasons!) and giving everything up before we even knew the outcome of round 5.

And then I was reminded that love never gives up and always hopes and if we are truly doing this whole IVF process out of love I shouldn't stop hoping or give up on these little snow people too early. In fact we shouldn't give up on any future kids...regardless of what happens in the immediate future.

Surprisingly, this little self gee up worked and rather than being a nervous wreck, prostrated on the couch, unable to do little else but eat copious quantities of chocolate and watch dodgy Christmas movies and Glee reruns, I've been getting into the pre-Christmas spirit quite nicely.

I've wrapped presents, made chocolate balls, apricot balls and gingerbread men are even on the cards (I'm so proud of my baking alter ego right now - although where's a Kitchenaid standing mixer when I need one!).

This is not to say that I won't be quietly heartbroken if this round doesn't work, but I guess I'm beginning to hold tighter to the fact that love will always come through one way or the other. 

Image source: Shirae Etsy shop

I really want one of these...

At the risk of sounding all domestic like, I really want a Kitchenaid standing mixer.

And I love this pink one!

I'm feeling curiously relaxed three days post transfer which is why I'm probably looking at kitchen devices with such excitement.

Or am I looking to bury any week before you know jitters in a mountain of baking (although I do have Christmas goodies to get stuck into making)?

Or is it just because this is my third transfer in a row and after two failed rounds my expectations are much lower (although my hope is as high as ever)?

Or is it that my acupuncture this round has made me super relaxed and zen?

Or do I just really really want this super cool piece of kitchen gadgetry regardless of where I'm at in life!?

Welcome to another round of mental badminton!

Image source: www.kitchenaid.com

A message to our two little 'snow people' who joined us today

You are loved.

Image source: Dudadaze on Etsy  Have I mentioned how much I love Dudadaze's prints?  They are so lovely and so perfect!

Down the rabbit hole

This morning I met a gorgeous bunch of women for high tea at Flaxton Tea Gardens, and in between sipping earl grey, munching on little itty bitty delights of goodness, and drowning in our own sweat (I mean seriously I was fantasizing about fans, air conditioners or even just bowls of ice to pour over my head) we talked about all the things that just have to be talked about when you're with people who understand.

And I was reminded by one of these ladies that everyone needs a soft place to land when the going gets tough.

The whole IVF journey is really like a trip down the 'Alice in Wonderland' rabbit hole and life can sometimes get a little warped down here.  Particularly when often you're on as many drugs as that caterpillar with the hookah pipe and feel like you've eaten half the mushroom - the wrong half!

It's so important to have people who you can just 'be' with and who are happy to sit with you at your 'mad' tea party. I really appreciate those who have joined in with me at times...sugar anyone?

Image source: Etsy shop thelittlefox

The standby bottle of wine

So all is on track for Round 5 and the stars are aligning.  I'm looking down the barrel of a 29 day cycle (unheard of!), my uturine lining is looking great, I'm not using Clexane, there is a nice big fat egg not too far off dropping and here's the kicker - we find out if it's all worked on Christmas Day.

So, my thoughts are that Christmas is going to be either the most festive day of 2010 with the best present ever, or I am going to be enjoying a number of large glasses of wine.

Hmmm...is it too pessimistic of me to have an expensive bottle of Riesling or bubbly (my two favourite drops) on standby?

Image source: artsyville on Etsy. This print is just too perfect for some days.

An observation about wandering elephants

There is an elephant in the room.  No one announces that he's arrived, he just tiptoes in and hides behind the couch, snuggles up on the bed or sometimes sits at the table with a cup of tea. He doesn't say anything, just takes up space, and everyone has to tiptoe around him.

No one wants to talk about the very odd fact that there is in fact an elephant curled on the bedspread, putting his feet up on the couch or rummaging through the fridge for milk.

So next time I'm in a room and see a wandering elephant, I'm going to say hello, ask him how he takes his tea and whether he would like to take an afternoon nap.

I think it's time to stop tiptoeing around and shrink these errant elephants down to a manageable size.  Probably down to about the size of a cat...what do you think?

Image source: ybryksenkova on Etsy. I would LOVE to curl up with a little elephant.  How cute would that be?  What a great print.

The definition of insanity

One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

And so yesterday, Round 5 took me to visit an acupuncturist (specialising in fertility and pregnancy support) in my mission to be doing something different and doing my best to escape insanity.

I've tried acupuncture before, but not as a complementary treatment to an IVF cycle. There have been a number of studies that have shown that it is beneficial to the fertility process (just google it and you'll find a stack of information) and at this stage of the game, bring it on. 

Even if - as sceptics would suggest - its main benefit is that those undergoing acupuncture experience a 'placebo' effect of feeling more relaxed and less stressed through the whole crazy process - count me in! I'm up for some of that 'placebo'. Anything that promotes a better experience can only be positive - for me AND for the two little 'snow people' I'll be playing host to sometime in the next couple of weeks.

So how did it go? I really enjoyed the experience, my acupuncturist was lovely, the room was light and bright, the music was restful and I felt remarkably relaxed and de-stressed afterwards.  Like I'd just been floating around a swimming pool on a sunny summer's afternoon.

Excellent - insanity averted! Now I'd love to prove those sceptics wrong and have this round be our Great Success Story...

Image source: Dudaze on Etsy. This is how relaxed I felt after my acupuncture!