A bucketful of hope

It took a couple of glasses of the good stuff, a long coversation, and a day at the cricket, but we've decided to fill up our bucket of hope again and give Round 5 a go.

These are our last two little 'people on ice', so we shall see what we shall see. It would be so lovely if they were hanging out in the chilly wilds of the clinic's freezer just to be with us.

And then when transferred they find it so nice and warm on the inside that they think it's just too toasty to leave...kind of like when you hop in front of a roaring fire after a freezing day outside. Not that we have too many of those sorts of days in Queensland!

So we won't speak of what will happen next until we know.  And in the meantime, even though it's nice and warm outside, and I can hear the cicadas singing like mad,  I'll just sit here and imagine crackling fires, mulled wine and presents...oh hang on...that's Christmas I'm thinking of!

Image source: This Christmas Tree collage from ekm79 on Etsy is so beautiful, warm and cosy looking it makes we want to jump straight in the picture!

Tears for the peas

I cried some tears for the little peas this afternoon, because they didn't make it.

Now I'm feeling a little (maybe a lot) deflated after round 4 and wondering should we continue on to Round 5 and use up our last two little snowpeople before the end of the year? Or do we shut up shop for a while and party over Christmas?

This definitely calls for a good long chat with the 'other person that matters most' over a glass of wine and piece of soft cheese tonight. You see it's not just about me, it's about him too...oh and our bank balance!

 Image source: Loxlyhollow Etsy shop

Antsing around

I feel like I've got ants in my pants this afternoon!  I know that I'm going to find out tomorrow whether Round 4 has worked or not and it's making me very jumpy. Have decided to wait for the bloodtest results.  No home test for me...makes sleep too stressfull!

Speaking of ants, I've figured out that those those Clexane injections feel like green ant bites. It's not the initial injection, but the sting afterwards that's the killer. *Ouch*

HOPEFULLY all this antsing around has been worth it!

Image source: Carlasonheim Etsy shop So appropriate!

Red dragonflies

There were seemingly hundreds of red dragonflies hovering in the airspace of our backyard on Sunday. They were just beautiful. A photo couldn't have captured the prettiness of it all but this gorgeous watercolour print by Peggitha comes very close.

I wonder what they were up to and where they were off to in such great numbers? Whatever and wherever it was, I'm so glad they passed through my garden. It was the bright spot of my Sunday.

Image source: Peggitha Etsy shop

A declaration of war

I've declared war on 'what if' statements.  You know, the ones that torture you at 4am in the morning and keep you awake so you know the exact time that the magpies start warbling.  Or the ones that stand in the corner of your head and mock you for thinking positive thoughts.

Well enough is enough!  Life is too short and there are too many wonderful things to be excited about to let 'what ifs' be in control. The truth is that the future can change in an instant and I don't want to be too distracted to miss mine.

What was it that Winston Churchill said? We'll fight them on the beaches (fine by me, love the beach)...we'll fight them on the fields and in the streets (if this means going to parks and retail therapy, count me in!), we shall fight in the hills (Beverly Hills? Because I do have the travel bug and I'm ready to plan the next holiday), we shall never surrender!

Image source: Amazon.co.uk  Love this British motivational tin sign from WW2.

Give me an A...

Give me an M...Give me a Y...what does it spell? AMY!

I've come to the conclusion that everyone needs a cheersquad.  It doesn't matter who is in your cheersquad, what matters is that they are cheering for you!

It doesn't even have to be your close friends and family.  Sometimes telling random people that you are in the the week before you know can be quite liberating.  When I say random, I don't mean running up to people in the street, but people like the nice lady in my pilates class for example.  Just knowing she is gunning for us is a nice feeling.

By the way, those who have said they have everything crossed for us, thank you and in a nice way, I hope you get msucle cramps from crossing so hard!

My plan is to gather every piece of positivity coming our way and channel it into those two little peas in a pod.

Give me a P....Give me an E....Give me an A....what does it spell? PEA!

Image source: Dudadaze Etsy shop I used one of her prints in an earlier post . I love Dudadaze's style.

Snap frozen peas

On Sunday I had two little snap frozen peas in a pod transferred. I say snap frozen becuase my fab technician told me that these little blastocysts had been chilled using a relatively new technique (Vitrification) which meant they were frozen in 3 minutes rather than over three hours. 

A little like the way they snap freeze veges to retain their freshness I would think (or not?) So in theory, these little ones should be as fresh and as sticky as they come! I mean, if these blastocysts were a Birds Eye product, we'd be singing a little ditty by now about how fresh they are...

So here's hoping that both or at least one of these two little peas in a pod decide stay around this time.  To help them along in the decision making process, we took them out on the town yesterday and showed them a good time. 

With their potential grandparents and cousin, we went and had a mango smoothie at Poets Cafe in Montville, then we had a little nap, then we went to the beach and made sandcastles and then we had fish and chips followed by icecream!  Can you seriously imagine a better day on the Coast?

 

I couldn't dream up a more perfect illustration for this post.  Those two little peas look almost EXACTLY like my two blastocysts! Love it. 

Image source: Etsy shop gnomesweetgnome

The Giant 'Sainted' Sperm

I saw an article on smh.com.au today about 'Giant Sperm'. I love the way journo's sensationalise headlines to make us read their story. At first I was thinking oh my goodness they've injected steroids into the poor sperm and he's become so huge and potent the poor little egg doesn't stand a chance!

And then I read that it's really about the magnification levels at which they can view now view sperm at to spot the healthiest little fellas to increase fertilisation chances. The article says ...Fertility specialists at IVF Australia have developed technology which magnifies human sperm by 7300 times its normal size - about 18 times larger than they have ever been seen.

Good work guys!  May you find it that much easier to find that 'Sainted Sperm' that will do the best job.

Image source: blueberrybandit on etsy.com How hilarious is this print! It's called 'Saint Stanley the humble sperm' and  I think it would decorate the walls at my Fertility Clinic quite nicely.  Perhaps I should get them one for Christmas!

An air-ship built for two

I couldn't believe it when I saw this wooden pendant in Etsy shop La Petite Bohème - it couldn't more perfectly describe how I've been feeling the last week!

I am so ridiculously bloated I feel like a blimp - one of those big ones from the world war two movies. And I haven't even had the transfer yet, injected pregnyl or dosed myself on progesterone til it's oozing from my pores.

For this delightful state of affairs I am entirely blaming clomid (we aren't friends although I do acknowledge it has a place in the scheme of things). I'm pregnant with an egg!

Funny thing is that this pendent also reminded me of all the reasons I'm doing this...I'm working hard to create an air-ship built for two (that's me and a little scrap of life - not twins...hmmmm).

Chocolate puddles

Just a short observation.

One piece of chocolate is NEVER enough. I've tried really really hard to stick to a 'one piece of chocolate only' rule if I feel like a little hit of something. And invariably I go back for a second...third...*cough* fourth....

Any tips on how to manage this would be welcome (?)

But then again, why would I want to manage out of my life such a beautiful bit of endorphin anti-oxidant piece of goodness? I would say that without the *cough* occasional piece of chocolate, life would be just a little bit greyer...and who wants that?

These 'chocolate puddle' cookies from Everybody likes sandwiches look absolutely divine. Get ready endorphins, a rush is coming your way!

Image source: Everybody likes sandwiches

A short letter to my right ovary

Dear right ovary

Please stop having a competition with the uterine lining. You are meant to be working in tandem, not in competition.

As much as I love you both, it would make my life a whole lot easier if you two worked in sync.  Because you're racing ahead, leaving the lining a little on the thin side, it just means more blood tests for me over the weekend rather than a nice relaxed and timed ovidrel shot. And I'm sure we would all be happier if we didn't have to wildly guess when you are about to pop your load.

I could have had the transfer date for next week all sorted by today, dear right ovary, but for your contrariness. Regardless, I am pleased that you are doing your job, but if you could please work a little closer with the uterus in future, that would be great.

Much love
Amy

PS The left ovary is exempt from this letter because it is on holidays this month.
PPS Here's a cute little egg cosy you can make to keep those eggs warm and toasty for me in the future.

Image source: homelife.com.au

...Because you're beautiful

One of the things I really want to learn at some stage is letterpress printing and I'm big fan of these guys at Bespoke Press.  They are so creative.

One of their latest prints caught my eye. It says Loving you is easy because you're beautiful.  And I thought what a great statement. We love the people we love because we see something beautiful in them.

So next time I'm feeling a little less than inspired about life,  I'll make sure I take a good look around at the people I love and remind myself of all the beauty that surrounds me.

 

Image source: Bespoke Press

Back into the swing

Am a little on the sleepy side today. Had one of those of nights where your brain just churns with thoughts (and they are crazy thoughts let me tell you) and no matter how tired you are, you just can't nod off. Although it probably didn't help that I was reading til late using my iPad in the dark. 

I've been using it to read books on and it's not too bad actually - I've been pleasantly surprised. Although reading it in the dark isn't so great....when I turned it off I was totally blind with no nightvision whatsoever.  Made for an interesting trip to the loo...

Anyway - today I am back into the swing of IVF round number four - Scan, bloodtest, scan, bloodtest, bloodtest, bloodtest, injection, bloodtest, transfer, injection, pessary, injection, pessary, injection etc etc etc

It has its own peculiar rhythm to it...just need to add some jazz percussion, a bit of sax and keyboard and we have ourselves something to click our fingers to. The smooth tones of the IVF jazz big band!

Isn't this just a great wall sculpture from frivoloustendancies on Etsy? Made me laugh so much and is so appropriate thinking of the somewhat compromised position I find myself in over the course of the month as I visit the clinic.  If I had a music room, this would be on my wall.

Image source: frivoloustendancies on Etsy